Innocent was in Mexico City for the World Cup this year. She doesn't know her flags so it's never clear which team she supported.
Miggy, my best imaginary friend: Who were you rooting for? England or Mexico?
Innocent apparently supported both.
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The win for England was a very big deal for a country who hasn't won the World Cup since 1966.
Miggy: World Cup events have made us hopeful every four years.
But over three decades, England's hopes have been shredded.
Miggy: This year though, England has done surprisingly well. Somehow, they froze out Norway...
... even though Elsa and Kristoff were there in Miami keeping their cool.
That's Troy and Innocent in their Frozen days.
But this World Cup is seriously hot. In the Round of 16 there were concerns that England would melt in the heat and altitude of Mexico City.
Miggy: As it turned out though, the 6th of July was a sad day for Mexico ...
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... and for Mexican benches.
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| https://www.flickr.com/photos/broc7/226058687/in/photolist- |
Miggy: Innocent doesn't care; she just carries the flags that look good with her outfits.
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Greece didn't even qualify this year but that didn't stop her turning up with their flag. And the Star and Stripes as well.
She loves the Mexican look.
Miggy: But then I saw her rooting for Ireland too.
Along with Scotland's Tartan Army, the Irish are said to be the best supporters in the world. Sean and Seamus are from County Offhand in Ireland and they believe in the luck of the Irish.
Miggy: True supporters, they were watching on their shamrock bench.
Ireland made it to the second round playoffs but then their Luck of the Irish ran out.
The USA was one of the host countries this year and, from her beach hut in St Tropez, Lady Brassica was rooting for them in her usual fashionista way.
Miggy: Troy found this dress very star spangled.
By the way, where were the WAGS this year? Out on their shopping benches?
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| Primark, The Caravan Gallery, UK |
Miggy: They were in the shade I think. North America is very hot this summer.
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| squonk.mark.van.straelen.Flickr |
Miggy: Maybe they were wearing the wrong boots?
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| PlusZRanch, etsy |
It was spectacular. Even the president got involved.
We wondered if the rest of the World Cup might be in jeopardy.
Miggy: For goodness sake, it's only a football game. Can't they just shake on it?
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| https://www.flickr.com/photos/simeon_barkas/368974477/ |
No. Apparently not.
There were some other surprising results throughout this World Cup where giant benches lay in heaps while tiny benches stayed standing.
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| https://www.flickr.com/photos/-ebelien-/3952851462/ |
Early on, little Cabo Verde gave mighty Argentina a big scare.
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| Jo Jones, The Bench Appreciation Collective |
Miggy: where is Cabo Verde anyway?
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| nla.gov.au/nla.pic-an24190093 |
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| Figures by Jenny Clayden |
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| http://nnamdiart.com |
Miggy: Whole nations grieve.
Our Bavarian friend Heinrich is from Slapbummel in Germany. He was broken hearted when wurst came to wurst with Paraguay.
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Our alpine friend Heidi thought Switzerland was outstanding in their field.
And indeed they were, until Argentina knocked them out in the quarter finals.
Miggy: Although anything can happen, there were red flags at that game.
The Netherlands also saw their hopes go up in flames in the Round of 32.
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| Roger Hiorns, 2012 |
Miggy: Their shoes didn't look ideal to me.
Joop is a fashion designer from Overbearing in The Netherlands. When his team were eliminated by Morocco in penalty kicks, only the dikes held back his floods of tears.
Whoever won or lost, Innocent didn't care.
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Although not all of Britain is great at football.
The Tartan Army, Scotland's loyal fans, were very popular in Boston . . .
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| Jon Dymond, Flickr Creative Commons |
. . . but unfortunately, the team found themselves benched after a Group C game with Brazil.
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| http://www.flickr.com/photos/bobthelomond/ |
Miggy: They did well but then they got a bit behind.
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| https://www.flickr.com/photos/gtsa/8590205056/ |
In the Round of 16 though, Brazil lost to Norway.
Miggy: Please don't make a frozen pun again. It leaves me cold.
You're right, Migs. I'll cool it with the jokes.
As the World Cup games were hotting up, our Fribble Agro gang were there celebrating.
Miggy: Even though they have no interest in football.
We should acknowledge the huge amount of sweat and tears that goes into the World Cup games. This year, in North America's overheated gyms, the teams were getting warmed up for their big games.
Miggy: I wondered when you'd show us some benchpressing benches.
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| Fish on a Bicycle, image from Cass Sculpture Park 2009 |
Miggy: But bench pressing is hard work, wherever you do it.
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| http://craiglotter.co.za |
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| http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Defense.gov |
But you must limber up before you start.
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| https://www.flickr.com/photos/internetarchivebookimages/14580815429/ |
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| https://www.flickr.com/photos/duncan/2419125525/ |
Miggy: This woman's benchpressing seems to have completely worn her out.
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| painting by Pablo Picasso 1904 |
This guy isn't just pressing his bench: he's punching it.
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| image from http://epicfail.com |
Do you think we should condemn this action of destroying a bench?
No. The morality of bench punching is for the reader to decide.
But he's punching it!
I just present the evidence. I don't make moral judgements.
This discussion is getting too weighty. Can we lift it somehow?
We can try.
Miggy: Maybe we should get back to the World Cup. Isn't that what we're here for?
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| One of Us On a Tricycle, image from Cass Sculpture Park |
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| https://www.flickr.com/photos/96dpi/2289135304/ |
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| https://www.flickr.com/photos/stevendepolo/3655878582/ |
As an athlete I need to be determined. So, even on a busy day like today, I keep practicing my swimming.
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Miggy: Yes, but you also need to stay optimistic about what you can achieve.
Good advice, Migs. But it's taking a long time to show the sporty benches. We haven't even got to first base yet. Who's up next?
Miggy: Well, I'm batty about baseball benches.
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| http://www.flickr.com/photos/dziadzia/ |
And heeeeeere's Johnny!
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| https://www.flickr.com/photos/zzazazz/3566122557/ |
You're way out in left field here, Migs. Football is soooo much better than baseball.
By football I think you mean soccer. I've never understood English soccer. What exactly is the aim?
To beat Germany. And to avoid penalty kicks.
Miggy: What about being off-side? Does anyone even know what that means?
Probably not. But we're talking about benches here. And to be Benched in sport is not a good thing.
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| https://www.flickr.com/photos/zzazazz/3566122557/ |
I'd love to hear what was said in that locker room.
Miggy: I think I prefer rugby. Some of those rugby guys are scrummy looking. Or something posh, like water polo. There's nothing nicer than a bench full of very fit men in swimming bonnets.
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| https://www.flickr.com/photos/sebishor/368027532/ |
We'd better get back to the World Cup. You could get a couch bike and kick back with a piece of cake to watch the semi-finals.
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| https://www.flickr.com/photos/markstos/3802117476 |
This couch bike isn't quite cricket.
Don't get me started on cricket. It goes on forever.
Miggy: True. After four days of play you wonder who's going to win and it's still too early to tell.
Of course cricket is very big in England.
Miggy: What exactly is the aim?
To beat Australia. Ashes to Ashes, dust to dust.
Miggy: You're getting on my wicket now, Seashell.
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| https://www.flickr.com/photos/maureen_barlin/14822428859 |
I think we ought to say something about sport here in Fribble-under-Par.
Good idea. Fishing maybe.
I don't recommend it. When you see what comes out of the sea around here you won't want to eat your catch.
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| https://www.flickr.com/photos/eclectic-echoes/13674124245 |
Miggy: What about golf then?
In Fribble-under-Par we don't go in for golf. Being constantly reminded that you are under par isn't good for competitive spirit. We're on the bench with golf.
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| https://www.flickr.com/photos/sfj/639531865/ |
Miggy: What has happened to the World Cup, Seashell? We need to talk about football.
OK, but I'm going to go Minor League here for a moment.
Regular readers will know that Fribble-under-Par is a small town here on Paradise Island and Drizzly is a neighbouring hamlet which consists of a bus bench, a church and an old schoolhouse that has been turned into a llama shelter.
Miggy: Yes, the Fribble and Drizzly football team has a noble sporting tradition.The team is looked after by my lovely neighbours, the Paragons. Mr. Paragon looks after the pitch while Mrs. Paragon and her daughter Virtue do teas, sew shorts and darn socks as necessary.
Miggy: After a slice of Mrs. Paragon's cake at half-time, no one wants to get back on the pitch.
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| image from http://whigham.org |
True, the pitch is rather overgrown.
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And pumpkin heads sit on the bleachers.
| https://www.flickr.com/photos/valeriebb/2880721062/ |
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| http://www.chilloutpoint.com/funny/the-ugliest-cheerleaders-show-top-15.html |
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| https://www.flickr.com/photos/aroberts/2416395374/ |
We are pleased to say that there has never been any unpleasant football violence in Fribble and/or Drizzly, either on or off the pitch.
Miggy: Unless you count the time that Pudsey Parsons went away in a sulk after the Mediocres lost nine nil to the Mope Junction Gerbils.
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| image from http://iplanking.com |
As for the team, here is where players would sit if they were On The Bench. Due to low numbers though, this has never happened.
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Miggy: Mostly it's a place for people to soak up the sun against the warm brick wall.
So there you have it. Sport is alive and well, not only in Fribble but on benches all over the world. And here in Fribble, we may be under par but we're certainly Mediocre.
Miggy: I'm going to have to call time here, Seashell.
Yes, we've had our innings. Thanks for your good sport benches and your skillful editing.
Miggy: You've spelled skilful wrong.
Oh shut up.
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| Hondarribia, Spain |
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| Timothy Oulton at Harrods, Wikipedia |
Credits
Sean and Seamus are plucky little Irish fellows who travel widely in their campervan. If Ireland doesn't tickle the cockles of your heart there are plenty of benches from other countries here on Benchsite. Japan, for example. And a whole fiesta of benches from Mexico. There's a whole alphabet of Dutch benches and a bench from each of the countries of Europe. Every summer Miggy and Mungo and I go on a mission to find benches so see how we
