Lord Brassica's guide to picnic benches

Did you know it's British Sandwich Week? This year it's from May 15-22. What better time to get your sandwiches out for a picnic on a bench in some lovely spot. I've asked Lord Brassica, Fifth Earl of Drizzly, to give us some ideas for a good picnic.

Lord Brassica: Well, I'd ask Cook to put together a jolly hamper with cucumber sarnies and lashings of ginger beer. 

Picnic 1938, Harold Williamson

Surely not on the ground though. We need a picnic bench. Here's a beach picnic with fish and chips and beach toys and sand in your lemonade.

www.etsy.com/shop/abasketof

This is Lord Brassica at the Fribble Thank You bench with his much-loved Landrover, his dog Pru and his horse Tonks.

Lord Brassica: I say, why not just ring for a Harrod's Hamper? They do a jolly nice pheasant paté. And they'll send along a bottle of bubbly and a chap to open it for you. It's all jolly civilised.  

That's a possibility, Lord B, but really, we want to make our own picnic.

Lord B: I could send the chauffeur down to Fortnum and Mason for a nice tin of tea. Not those ghastly bags. Proper tea in a pre-warmed pot. I'll get my chap to warm it. 

Sorry, I think you've got the wrong end of the stick here. I mean a picnic. I'm talking pork pies, tupperware tubs, ants in the jam. 

Lord B: Rightio, Seashell. I'm up for a spot of survival. 

What about a traditional picnic? Strawberries, tomatoes, hard-boiled eggs.

 www.etsy.com/shop/wildmarigold

Or just a sandwich in the park? 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/sarah_presh 

You don't see a sandwich? Well, it's all in the name. This bench is in Sandwich, in Kent. 

Lord B: Yes, my cousin was the Earl of Sandwich. Nice enough chap. Put some roast beef between two slices of bread and started a trend I believe.

That was in 1762 though. Some trend.

Lord B: We have a strong sense of history in my family.

On the Isle of Wight there's a sense of history. This sculpture is called Nammet Time, which is an old island word for a chunk of cheese, a hunk of farmhouse bread, and a mug of beer. 

 Paul Sivell at www.thecarvedtree.co.uk

Lord B: By jove, this chap has the right idea. 

A sandwich on a bench is fine but why not go for the whole works? You know: the gazebo and the candelabra and no crusts on the cucumber sandwiches. 

Lord B: In that case, why not forget the picnic and book yourself in at The Ritz? They do a spiffing afternoon tea.

Good point, Lord B. It's important to maintain decorum at a picnic. Even if you're just having a sandwich and a cup of tea. 

Sunday in the Garden, Jacob Bratland 1890

Here's a German family who got out the white tablecloth and dressed up in their Sunday best for a picnic.  

 www.etsy.com/shop/alaskavintage

The girl looks happy about it but Herr Grandfather looks like he would rather have gone to McDonalds.

Lord B: Now that's a place I take care to avoid. 

What, Germany?

No. McDonalds. Sat on a bench there once and bumped into some vulgar clown. Ron, I think his name was. 

https://www.flickr.com/photos/valeriebb/

Red hair? Dressed in bright yellow? 

Lord B: Terrible dress sense. I told him I'd stand him a pint at the Duck and Dogcollar. Thought it might buck up his ideas.

You're right, Lord B. Ronald is not very hipster, is he? He could do with a Hipnic Bench. It's made from state-of-the-art snowboards.

www.etsy.com/shop/ZZIV

I say! This makes me want to picnic on a mountain! 

The woods makes a nice picnic too.

Lunch in the Woods 1925, Henri Le Sidaner

Lord B: I don't care for woods. Too many trees and whatnot.

What about the riverside then?

At a Picnic 1920, Edmund Leighton

Lord B: The women are easy on the eye but I wouldn't want to hear all that racket.

What racket? Do you mean the man playing the guitar?

Lord B: yes. Music plays havoc with my digestion. Besides, a picnic is about food. Plenty of lovely nosh!

What about a bellissimo miniature Italian picnic from Natalia Antonelli in Rome?

 www.etsy.com/shop/miniacquoline

Lord B: Just so there's no nasty foreign muck. Pasta and what not. All those peculiar shapes filled with raw fish and such. 

A picnic would look just great on this brilliant rainbow bench.

www.kedel.co.uk

A rainbow generally means there's rain about. And we don't want rain at a picnic, do we? 

 http://www.flickr.com/photos/outandaboutsf/

You're quite right, Lord B. We don't even want rain clouds. 

That's unless they're pretty Swarovski rain clouds like these earrings from the Picnic Bench Designs shop in Canada.  

www.etsy.com/shop/picnicbenchdesigns

I could buy this for my wife. 

What, the earrings?

No, the shop.

Definitely rain is a problem on a picnic. 

I say, this picnic bench seems to be in a spot of bother. It looks like you could be in peril on this sea with this one. 

www.happyhoneylark.blogspot.com

There's a hymn for that I think. Used to sing it when I was a chorister at Saint Asphyxia's. 

But speaking of perils, I have a question for you.

Winter picnics: a good idea? 

I wouldn't have thought so. Brass monkeys and so on.

Of course it's possible to have a winter picnic, but there are some situations where picnicking just isn't going to be brilliant.

http://www.simplifiedbuilding.com/

Blimey. I see what you mean.

This bench is well suited to freezing temperatures though.

www.jellio.com

This is smashing! I could put one of these between two hunks of bread.

An ice cream sandwich as a sandwich filling. Hmmm. Interesting. Might start another trend. 

This white picnic bench is called Iceberg. That's probably more to do with the colour than the temperature though.

www.icebergenterprises.com

And the name of the company. 

Here's Little Red Riding Hood all alone with her winter picnic.

 www.etsy.com/shop/paper-machedreams

Steady on! It's a rum turn of events if that poor girl got left out in the snow.

Yes. I'd be tempted to wait until spring when the birds are singing and the grass is green.

In the meantime, here is an indoor picnic table. And the grass is green, at all times of the year. 

http://.haiko.Cornelissen.com

I say, one could find oneself tipsy and spill a glass of good vintage Claret on this table.

Yes, but you'd be watering the grass, so it's ok.

I wouldn't say no to a cricket match on this table.

But now we need to choose some sandwiches. After all, it's British Sandwich Week. 

Maybe the sandwiches would arrive in this Sandwich Suitcase?

image source unknown

This suitcase is top notch! I'd like one of these when I take my investments to the Cayman Islands next time.

As for the sandwiches, we could opt for good old peanutbutter and jelly, like these.

www.etsy.com/shop/junkfoodjewelry

I know what you're going to say, Lord B. There's a problem with this:

1) peanutbutter and jelly is American and this is British Sandwich Week
2) these are key rings, not real sandwiches

So what about tuna and cucumber then? 

www.etsy.com/shop/halfpintminis

Sorry, there seems to be a bite taken out of this sandwich. Maybe we should have hamburgers instead? In which case we'll need condiments. 

Salad creme for me. Good old British salad creme. And lashings of ginger beer. None of that foreign muck.

These vintage condiments seem to have their very own picnic bench. 

www.etsy.com/shop/retroclassics

I'd prefer something more British. More Land of Hope and Glory and God Save the Queen. It's the Union Jack every time for me.

OK, then. What about a ham sandwich?

 © Peter Denton at http://www.flickr.com.peterdenton/ 

Fair enough. I'll have a Scotch egg too. And some Wimbledon strawberries would be just tickety-boo.

www.etsy.com/shop/thepixiepalace

I prefer watermelon. In America they have watermelons the size of babies. They put them in the river to keep them cool for the picnic.

 www.etsy.com/shop/thepixiepalace

Babies in the river? Hhmmm. Wasn't there a fellow in a Moses basket? What was his name . . . 

Picnics aren't only about food though. The setting is very important. 

This family has chosen their own garden for an informal breakfast picnic on simple wooden benches. 

Breakfast Under the Big Birch 1895, Carl Larsson

Their lawn wants mowing. I could send my gardener round to see to it.

This looks like a good place for a picnic. It's in Cyprus. 

Photo by Sheila B

That'll do nicely. Looks like there's a road for the vans to get up there.

What vans are those, Lord B?

The catering van. The furniture van. The horse van for Tonks. And of course my wife's throne.

This is Cyprus too. A lovely spot on the beach.

photo by Sheila B.

I'm not a beach man myself. Prefer a nice olde tea shoppe and a strawberry cream tea.

Interesting you should say that. Mungo likes to brew up when he has a picnic. 

Here he is with his camp stove beside the Kochelsee in Bavaria. In no time at all he'll have a good cup of Earl Grey. 

This mountainside might be a good place for a picnic but it looks like someone's got there first.

photo by Sheila B

Nice picnic bag. But no good for the vans. 

Do you really need all this stuff for a picnic? My ancestor Emil Geist didn't even bother to find a bench. He just put his picnic down on a cloth and got out the bottle of Bauer Haus Dornfelder. 

photo by Miggy's mum

For some reason there is a British Beefeater in Emil's picnic basket. Maybe Emil thinks either the raven or the beefeater are suitable as a sandwich filling?

Good Lord. Those Europeans have some peculiar habits.

Speaking of Europe, here are Miggy and Mungo having their sandwiches on a bench in Sevilla.

photo by Miggy's Mum

I wonder why they set the plates down in the sand? And why are they sitting by the dog pooh bin? There was a lovely picnic table nearby.

Two Women Sitting in A Garden 1932, Eric Ravillious

These are fundamental Picnic Questions which have to be asked.

This leads me to another question: can you have a good picnic in a city? 

I was at The Barbican recently. Right in the middle of London. Frightfully nice place to have a picnic and then go to a concert afterwards.

photo by Janet Wells

Of course sometimes you can find the perfect spot for your picnic and then the bench just isn't up to the job.

www.kedel.co.uk

I've got a handyman for this kind of thing. Handy Andy. Nice chap. Not as biddable as the butler though. Old Unwin. Now he's a cheerful fellow.

www.liveauctioneers.com

Lord B, are you at all worried about animals stealing your picnic? 

 

 www.etsy.com/shop/alechartmanphoto

That's on foreign soil though. Bears and such.

Yes. The words Yellow and Stone come to mind. 

 The Patient Bear, unknown souce

This fellow looks like a thoroughly decent chap. I don't see a problem with him. I'd just say Toodle pip and be off. 

Here are some bears which seem to have totally disrupted a picnic. This wouldn't bother you?

 www.etsy.com/shop/brennicki

Heavens no. It's wasps I'd be more concerned about. Nasty little blighters. 

But I've found a way to deal with them. 

Really? Tell us your secret.

Well, you know my chap Unwin?  Bald fellow. Thoroughly decent. I get him to stand away from the picnic with a dish of jam on his head. Lures wasps away. 

Raspberry works best I find. 

That's terrible! Doesn't Unwin get stung by the wasps?

He does sometimes, yes. But he just has to buck himself up. Stiff upper lip and all that. 

OK, Lord Brassica, you've been very helpful with this post. I'd like to take you to a picnic bench restaurant.

Jolly sporting of you, Seashell. 

I hope it's not this one. The service doesn't look up to much. 

photo by Sheila B.

What about this one? 

The food here has a fresh twist and it's very green.

http://www.michaelbeitz.com/about.html

Makes me feel dizzy just looking at it.

What about this one? Beautiful glittery purple benches with a lime green accent.

my photo, Dunkirk Art Museum

Or here's the Rest Air Restaurant. Should do nicely for a picnic in the air don't you think?

www.egbg.nl

Make mine a pint, and a basket of cod and chips.

Tally ho, Seashell! I'll race you to the top.


Credits

Lord Brassica, Fifth Earl of Drizzly, is a gentleman farmer here on Paradise Island. He loves his horse Tonks, his dog Pru,and his 1947 Landrover, in that order. He indulges his wife, Lady Jessica Brassica with a replica mall in the basement of Drizzly Manor, a beach hut on the Esplanade, and unlimited amounts of cash for shopping. However, it has emerged that he doesn't know as much as you'd think about farm animal benches, especially cow benches or sheep benches. He knows a bit more about horse benches, learned from his horse Tonks, and possibly something about dog benches from his dog Pru. As you've seen though, what he really knows is picnic benches. 

The Picnic (1938) is by British artist Harold Williamsom (1898-1972). The Holiday With Pay Act of 1938 gave British workers the right to one week of statutory paid holiday each year. Throughout the 1930s leisure time became increasingly important and the middle classes were particularly fond of picnics. According to a 1936 book, the Perfect Picnic required egg mayonnaise sandwiches. 

The beach picnic miniature is from Lucy and Gillian in Tunbridge Wells. At www.etsy.com/shop/abasketof   They have exquisite miniatures of dolls house food and table settings. Any one of them would make a terrific picnic. 

The delightful wooden picnic food set is by Jennie at Wild Marigold in Ohio. She makes all kinds of delightful food. It's not suitable for eating though because it's made out of wood. www.etsy.com/shop/wildmarigold

I had a bit of luck with Picnics. Sarah Presh takes wonderful photographs, including the photo of the bench under the willow tree in Sandwich, Kent. She took this on 29 April, just in time for me to find it for this post. Her photostream is at http://www.flickr.com/photos/sarah_presh

John, the current 11th Earl of Sandwich opened a chain of sandwich shops called, yes, you guessed it - The Earl of Sandwich. There was one in Orlando and another one in London. If you don't believe me check 1,411 QI Facts at www.qi.com/1411  page 74. 

Nammet Time is by chainsaw artist Paul Sivell on the Isle of Wight. His numerous intriguing chainsaw sculptures can be seen at www.thecarvedtree.com  A nammet is the Isle of Wight word for sandwich. I'll bet you didn't know that, did you?

The beautiful 1890 painting Sunday in the Garden is by Norwegian artist Jacob Bratland (1859-1906). It is in the Lillehammer Kunstmuseum in Norway.

Becki Harvey Myers collects vintage photographs, including the wonderful pre-war German picnic photo. She's in Alaska at www.etsy.com/shop/alaskavintage You'll be seeing more of her photos on future Bench Site posts.

Ronald McDonald is a much-photographed character on his benches throughout the world. This Ronald was caught by Valerie Everett, who lives in Logansport, Indiana. She found him in Indianapolis on Christmas Day 2008. Valerie has a great selection of bench photos in her photostream at  https://www.flickr.com/photos/valeriebb/  

ZZIV in Milwaukee produces custom limited edition pieces of functional metal art. The ZZIV Hipnic Table features a unique twin independent aluminum pillar design and four beautifully designed snowboards. The hand welded aluminum pillars rise independently of each other, yet combine to each board to provide a timeless look and unheard of functionality in an art object. The snowboards are real, top of the line, Burton and Rossignol boards, fresh from the hills, as such they have wear which only adds to the table's character. Like nothing you have seen or sat on, ZZIV makes sitting at a picnic table cool. www.etsy.com/shop/ZZIV

Natalia Antonelli in Rome is a master of miniature picnics. You can get just about any kind of picnic you like. I chose the Italian one from her shop at www.etsy.com/shop/miniacquoline  Buon appetito!


UK company www.kedel.co.uk makes a wide range of maintenance-free picnic tables and benches from recycled plastic. They come in all sorts of sizes, designs and colours, like the vibrant rainbow one. The rotten bench is also on their website but it's not for sale. 

The first picnic table under water is in Mendocino in California, taken in December 2006. The photograph comes from the photostream of outandaboutsf at http://www.flickr.com/photos/outandaboutsf/

As you may know, I have two husbands. Mungo? His Excellency? Are you listening? Sarah in Canada makes Swarovski raincloud earrings at Picnic Bench Designs.  www.etsy.com/shop/picnicbenchdesigns  Come on, what more could a Bench Woman want? Please will one of you reach for your credit card and get these earrings for me NOW.

The second picnic table under water was taken at Jones Beach, New York in 2010. Jones Beach has fabulous swimming so it would be a great place for me. It was photographed by Kallie at www.happyhoneylark.blogspot.com 

The hymn Lord Brassica is thinking of is Eternal Father, also known in Britain as The Hymn of Her Majesty's Armed Forces. It's always sung at Remembrance Day ceremonies. The refrain is: Oh, hear us when we cry to Thee, For those in peril on the sea!  In the States the second verse has been adapted to include those in peril on the land. 

There are many, many pictures of benches under snow. It seems to be a favourite subject for Flickr people. But I chose this one from Simplified Building Concepts, an international company which makes fittings, connectors, and other parts for assembly. The photo of their Kee Klamp bench demonstrates the strength of it, even if people leave it outside all winter. You can read all about it at http://www.simplifiedbuilding.com/blog/rolling-outdoor-table-for-the-deck/

The ice cream sandwich bench is from Jellio and if you're a regular reader of this blog you'll have seen it before in the Edible Benches post. (Yes, maybe too much of a food focus here - Miggy's influence). It's the kind of bench everyone loves. I want one. It's one of many Fantastic Food furniture pieces from www.jellio.com  It costs $950.  

The Iceberg picnic table is from Iceberg Enterprises in Illinois. They make a wide range of business products which are simple, durable, flexible and modular. This includes things like chairs, tables, shelving and of course, picnic tables. Their website is at http://www.icebergenterprises.com

Little Red Riding Hood's snow picnic is a self-portrait by Daisy Harper at Paper Maché Dreams. I felt so lucky to find this image and to be given permission to use it. As for Lord Brassica's concern about the girl, I hope Daisy didn't have to stay out in the snow for too long. Her shop is at www.etsy.com/shop/papermache-dreams

The picNYC grass table is by architect Haiko Cornelissen in New York. It was a 2012 New York Design Week favourite. Not surprising. You can have a picnic anytime you want. http://hairkocornelissen.com

The Sandwich Suitcase is one of those internet photographs which is so ubiquitous that its original source is impossible to find. Google sandwich suitcase and you'll see what I mean. I copied it, unashamedly, from www.whatthecool.com


I just love the peanutbutter and jelly sandwich keyrings by Danielle at www.etsy.com/shop/junkfoodjewelry  But it's true: you can't eat them. And as Lord Brassica says, peanutbutter and jelly sandwiches just haven't caught on in Britain. That may be because British jelly is the wobbly stuff Americans call Jello. You can see how the confusion arises. You really wouldn't want to eat Jello in a sandwich now, would you?

The half-eaten tuna and cucumber sandwich is from Jill, who makes a wide range of beautiful miniatures at www.etsy.com/shop/halfpintminiatures  What I love about this sandwich is that it is half-eaten. How many artists would take a bite out of their product before putting it up for sale? Well done, Jill! 

Retro Grandma collects all kind of interesting retro stuff at Retro Classics in Saskatchewan. She informed me recently that the vintage condiment set has been sold. But of course she has lots of other brilliant retro stuff at www.etsy.com/shop/retroclassics  Her blogspot is at http://www.retrograndma.blogspot.com

Photographer Peter Denton found the Ham and Sandwich road sign in Kent. I saw it on Flickr, where he has a whole lot of lovely bench pictures.  Peter Denton's photostream of photographs from around the world, including benches, can be seen at  http://www.flickr.com/photos/peterdenton/

The Pixie Palace is in Walla Walla, Washington where, by strange coincidence, Miggy's Mum went to nursing school. Miggy has some cousins there (hello Gail and Chandler). The Pixie makes a veritible feast of handmade felted foods, including watermelons and strawberries. They all look good enough to eat. www.etsy.com/shop/thepixiepalace

Carl Olof Larsson ( 1853 –1919) was a Swedish painter representative of the Arts and Crafts movement. His many paintings include oils, watercolors, and frescoes. He is principally known for his watercolors of idyllic family life but there are also some serious and beautiful landscapes of his homeland. The restful Breakfast Under the Birch Tree is a cross stitch pattern of a Carl Larsson painting by Lesley Bradshaw in France. Her shop is at www.etsy.com/shop/dreamsofavalon

My good friend Sheila B lives some of the time in Cyprus. She goes out and about taking pictures of benches for me and she came up trumps with the picnic benches. It looks like lots of people picnic in Cyprus. However, I doubt if they would appreciate Lord Brassica's convoy of vans winding their way up the Troodos mountains.

Emil Geist is one of my Geist ancestors from Germany. More on that in later posts. Emil is something of an expert on sweet German wines. He's keen on Dornfelders from the Nahe region and he particularly likes the Bauer Haus Dornfelder, which is a sweet red. He tells me to say that Dornfelder is the second most grown grape in Germany. So now you know.

Janet Wells lives in The Barbican in London. A retired artist, she has an eye for interesting photographs. There are plenty of those in The Barbican. 

Unwin, The Cool Butler with Tray, is three feet tall and, as Lord Brassica says, looks like a thoroughly decent chap, even after having raspberry jam on his head. He was auctioned by New York Live Auctioneers in 2008 at a starting bid of $100. Wherever he's ended up, I hope there are no wasps. www.liveauctioneers.com

The chipmunk stealing a picnic is by Alec Hartman, whose photographs can be seen at www.etsy.com/shop/alechartmanphoto

The Patient Bear is another of those internet memes which . . . oh, forget it. I'm not going to apologise. There is absolutely no way I or anyone else can find the owner of this photograph. There are websites devoted to trying. There are even suggestions that he's been photoshopped. But it's an endearing shot. So, whoever photographed The Patient Bear, bearskin hats off to you. 

The Bear picnic painting is by Kara Hamer in Arizona. You see what I mean? Having bears at a picnic is not going to be a tidy business. It's chaos. And what a great painting. Kara's shop is at www.etsy.com/shop/brennicki

Michael Beitz, a Fine Arts graduate of the University of Buffalo, exhibits throughout Europe and the US. He makes all kinds of weird and wonderful sculptures which have emerged from his experience as a furniture designer. Sofas in knots, upside down tables - it's great to see his quirky, twisty, mind-bending stuff. The green tangled picnic table from 2013 is called Picnic.

http://www.michaelbeitz.com/about.html

The beautiful purple and lime green picnic table is actually the furniture in the cafe of the FRAC contemporary art museum in Dunkirk in France. Splendid!

Martijn Engelbreght and Miguel Brugman's 'Rest' Air Restaurant was in Wageningen, Netherlands in 2008. Unfortunately, they are no longer taking reservations. But isn't this the most wonderful thing? Martijn gave me permission to use the picture. He has a very cool website address: www.egbg.nl

Mungo and his parents at a picnic in Glendalough, Ireland

In 2018 sandwiches were in the news! When Frenchman Benjamin Carle wanted a sandwich, he set out to make one from scratch. He sowed the wheat to produce flour, pressed olives for oil, boiled sea water to make salt, raised chickens to get eggs, grew vegetables on his Paris rooftop, and landed a 65 kg tuna on a fishing expedition. After all that, he set out to make bread and ten months later, Carle, 30, had his sandwich. His experience is the subject of a Canal+ documentary, called Sandwich (or How I Made My Own Snack While Questioning the Manual Capabilities of the French and While Trying to Find Some Personal Pride).https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/mar/04/benjamin-carle-frenchman-sandwich-quest-fulfilment?utm_source=esp&utm_medium=Email&utm_campaign=GU+Today+main+NEW+H+categories&utm_term=266179&subid=12845872&CMP=EMCNEWEML6619I2

Bus Stop benches around the world

It was Bus Driver Appreciation Day on May first. Not a lot of people know that. 

And I've had a little bit of a disagreement with Miggy. I guess you might call it a serious argument actually. It's about who will help me edit this post on bus stop benches. I have some amazing bus stop benches to show you. For a start, look at this brilliant school bus stop in Athens, Georgia. It's by sculptor Christopher Fennell. 

www.cfennell.com

And here's a juniper tree school bus bench near Bend, Oregon. I can almost smell the juniper.

 Kelly Riley at https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/CoyoteRimStudio

Miggy keeps insisting that I let the Fribble Agro guys guest edit this post about bus stop benches. She says they know way more than I can imagine about culture. 

Come on. Do these look like people who know anything about culture?

I'm sure these two characters would be better guest editors than the Fribble Agro. They are waiting at a bus stop and can speak from experience.

www.etsy.com/shop/mvzoo

Miggy points out that the Agro spend a lot of time hanging out at the Fribble bus stop so they know their stuff about bus benches. And I remind her that they couldn't even spell Agro right when they graffitied the bus shelter.

Anyway, I'll give them a chance. Here goes.

So what do you guys think of the school bus benches?

Biff (the purple snarling one):  I hated school.  No comment.

Sk8-T (the one with the skateboard):  Whatever.

Root (the tall one with the goofy look. No, not that one. The other one): 
I went to a private school. I got the chaueffeur to drive me there in time for lunch and then drive me home. I never rode in a school bus.

Great start, Miggy. Thanks a bunch. 

Hood-D: The Athens school bus is an interesting concept because it takes a familiar icon and deconstructs it in a way which is both destructive and functional. Its juxtaposition works in sharp contrast to the naturalistic setting of the wooden school bus bench, which is simultaneously welcoming and forlorn. 

WHAT?  

Hood-D:  That's just my opinion. You did ask.

I did. Yes. Thanks, Hood-D. 

I've gathered bus stop benches from all over the world. See if you can guess where they are.

my photo, Sandown Isle of Wight

Biff:  Asia. Is that a place?

Yes, but that's not it. It's here in Fribble. Don't you recognise it? It's the one right opposite the bus stop where you guys always sit. 

Root:  I sit there but I don't look at anything.

Any comments anyone wants to make about the bus stop?

Sk8T: I like the graffiti that someone has sprayed on the road.

Moving swiftly on. 

Here is an elevated bus stop in Holland. Do you see the bench up there at the top of the stairs?

www.ohaly.com

Hood-D:  Yes, this is by Israeli designer Itay Ohaly. His concept of elevated benches is about having a detached experience within a city. Here is another Ohaly elevated bench where you can have an unusual perspective of the city whilst waiting for the bus. 

www.ohaly.com

Well, Hood-D, I couldn't have said it better myself.

Now let's have a peak at some of the highest bus stop benches I've found.

Wank Mountain, Garmisch-Partinkirchen

Root: Awesome name! Now I know what those little cars are for.

It's a ski lift, Root. On Wank Mountain in Bavaria.

And this one's even higher. 

Hanicity, commons,wikimedia.org

See what I did there? Peek and peak . . . 

Hood-D: Your pun is irrelevant but if elevation of objects is being equated with artistic hierarchy, then this bank-sponsored bench playfully and subliminally suggests that the corporation is, so to speak, at the pinnacle of its performance. 

Biff: Yeah. Whatever.

I need something more down to earth. How about these bus stop benches in Cyprus?  

photo by Sheila B.

Blue seems to be a theme here. White villas and blue benches.

photo by Sheila B.

Not this one though. This is a plain old wooden bench.

photo by Sheila B. 

Hood-D: This last bus stop bench isn't blue, yet the colour theme is subtly kept going by the inclusion of the blue shoe. The other theme here is obviously loss. The shoe is lost, of course, but a more political point could be made about the loss of Cypriot culture due to the incursion of in-your-face developments like the one advertised on the poster. 

Biff: I have no idea what you're saying, mate, but I'd like to smash up that bus shelter. 

Hood-D: in a way that's exactly what I am saying: the cultural and environmental destruction of Mediterranean communities is powerfully depicted in images like this one. 

I think we'll move on if you don't mind. 

I found this bus shelter in Greece. I wonder what it says? 

my photo, Kefalonia

Biff:  What's the point of a bus shelter with no glass? If there's no glass, there's nothing to smash up while you're waiting.

Hood-D: Oppressed members of communities find ways of expressing themselves in public places so that the ruling classes are forced to confront their dissatisfaction.

I don't see who could be dissatisfied with this bus stop in Somerset. Look at that view!

my photo, Minehead, Somerset

Root:  What view? 

Biff: I could have the glass out of that in about three minutes.

Doesn't anyone ever call the police when you do this?

my photo, Devizes, Wiltshire

Biff: Naw. Not now that they have mobile phones.

That's enough mindless vandalism.  

Here is an elephant waiting patiently at a bus stop bench somewhere.

www.etsy.com/shop/veroniquelatimer

Biff:  France. They have elephants in France.

Not at bus stops they don't.

Here is a vintage French school poster showing a bus stop in France. Do you see any elephants?

  www.etsy.com/shop/lojavintage

Hood-D:  I don't find your question relevant to either the style or content of the French poster. Surely it's the vintage qualities of the colourful poster which are of interest here.

I agree Hood-D. Sorry, I keep getting side-tracked by Biff's somewhat unconventional take on things. 

(Deep breath. Shoulders back. Pull self together.) 

Remember, we're looking at bus stops all over the world now.  What do you guys think of this one? It's the most northerly bus stop in Britain, called Bobby's Bus Stop, after a kid in the Shetland Islands. It's been there almost thirty years and is much loved by locals and visitors; it even has its own Facebook page! 

Bobby's Bus Stop, Unst, Scotland

Root: I'd like to get drunk in there with Bobby and his mates.

Hood-D: aesthetically, appreciation of the bus stop depends on how you feel about household commodities being introduced to areas of outstanding beauty. In one sense it's capitalist litter, in another it's a point of interest in an otherwise mono-view landscape.

Mono-view? We're talking about Scotland here! Mountains, lochs, deer and um, bagpipes.

Biff: I'm not old enough for that stuff yet. 

What about this one then?

www.thecaravangallery.co.uk

Sk8-T: Looks like my mum's sitting room.

Biff:  Africa. Is that a place?

Hood-D:  It's Cornwall. This is an image from The Caravan Gallery's exhibition at the Liverpool Biennial in 2012. This particular image is from their theme called Hospitality. I found this exhibition compelling and I think the irony of the image here effectively and dramatically conveys the theme. 

Very impressive, Hood-D. What do you guys think of this bench in Brazil?

Duudoor, Street Art Utopia

Biff: Too much concrete. Nothing to smash up.

Hood-D: Is this the Before or After of a street art project?

Funny you should say that . . . 

Duudoor Street Art, Brazil

Hood-D: The power of art in a project like this can transcend divisions in society and bring joy to the ugliest urban landscapes. 

OK, Hood-D, my sincere apologies. I had no idea you were capable of this level of cultural commentary. I'm feeling a bit sheepish now.

Horse Charm, Facebook

Hood-D: You might want to show some of The Caravan Gallery's other bus stop images. They're intriguing because they suggest a context of urban decay but with a playful touch which is quirky, humorous, and just slightly uncomfortable. For example, here is a bus stop from their Street Scenes theme, taken in Bristol. 

www.thecaravangallery.co.uk

Sk8T: Cool graffiti that someone has sprayed on the road. 

Miggy has said it all along: though he may not look it, Hood-D is a very clever hoodie. 

Here he is in front of the Paradise Art School with his brand new Master of Fine Arts.

And here he is a few hours later, having celebrated with his Agro mates and Police Constable Willie Wyme.

You may notice that the Art School logo has changed slightly from one picture to the next: this is what Hood-D calls Subversive Urban Art. Only it's not urban because this is Fribble and we're distinctly rural. 

We're a long way from anywhere.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/eccentricjeff/

We're the back of beyond.

https://www.flickr.com/photos/25297401@N08/5675190225/

At bus stops like this you can start to feel a bit despondent if you have to wait on a hard wooden bench.

image from John Bunyan's The Pilgrim's Progress

In this bus shelter in Sweden they try to make the best of it.

Lynne Woodward  http://www.68degrees.se/ 

A comfy sofa is provided for those long winter nights in the bus shelter.

Lynne Woodward  http://www.68degrees.se/ 

 

Here in Fribble it's often chilly so if you happen to be standing at the bus stop with your baby you want to keep the baby's feet warm. For that you need Bus Stop booties, which are expertly crocheted by Michele at Crochele.

www.etsy.com/shop/crochele

I had never heard of Bus Stop booties but there are plenty of them on the internet. I wonder what our Master of Fine Arts guy thinks about booties as art?

Miggy is telling me that Hood-D is rather shy and doesn't like this personal focus.  

OK, fair enough. So back to bus stop benches then. 

Burton on the Wirral, UK

I'm afraid I can't compete with Hood-D's exciting Caravan Gallery Benches. or the bus stops in exotic parts of the world. Here on Paradise Island bus stop benches tend to be rather lacklustre.

This bench seems to have got separated from its bus stop.

my photo, Yaverland, Isle of Wight

Root: I thought the green bit was a urinal. 

Biff: I spent the night here once when I missed the night bus to Fribble.

Sk8T: Wow, is this Banksy? Graffiti on the road. Mega. 

This town bus bench isn't very interesting either but at least it's out of the rain. 

Biff:  I know this one. I bashed the glass out of it a couple of times.

You wouldn't smash these benches up, Biff. They're in Berlin and they look distinctly vandal-proof.

image by Debra Conn

Sk8T: What about the bus stop with the cat? 

Yes, you're quite right, Sk8T. There is a local cat who likes to sit on the bench at the bus stop in Drizzly.

my photo, Freshwater, Isle of Wight

Sk8T: Sometimes I think he's my only friend.

I'm sorry to hear that, Sk8T. Normally I'd invite you to tell me about it but this post is going rather slowly and I've got more benches to show you.

Sk8T: I'm used to being ignored. Even the tourists ignore me. 

They're probably too busy trying to find their way around on the buses. Here's a tourist having a look at a map but he seems to have blended into his surroundings somehow.  

www.desireepalmen.nl

Hood-D: Yes, camoflage is one of the themes of Dutch artist Desiree Palmen. She has many works of art in which people dissolve into their surroundings or disappear altogether. Palmen's work suggests that we all have a desire to step out of our social context. 

I'm going to have to take your word for that, Hood-D. 

Biff:  I like those indoor bus stations where you can hang out and write stuff in the benches with a knife.

Like this one?

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Yarmouth_bus_station_waiting_area.JPG

Biff:  Yeah. I'd have the glass out of that in about two minutes.

I can't see the point of that, Biff. It's a nice little bus station.

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Yarmouth_bus_station_in_October_2011.JPG

SK8T:  Look at that bus though. It's too small.

Biff:  Yeah and it's full of ugly plants.

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Yarmouth_bus_station_during_Old_Gaffers_Festival.JPG

Hood-D:  This is one of those misguided attempts to facilitate community spirit by tarting up municipal spaces with humourless and clichéd objects which alienate whole sections of the community. The truth is, most bus shelters are unattractive, uncomfortable and totally lacking in soul. 

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Yarmouth_bus_station_waiting_area_2.JPG

I kind of see what you mean, Hood-D. You're exceptional though. You've got a Masters in Fine Arts. For people like me, planting some pansies in a little bus is not particularly offensive.

Hood-D:  You need to get out more. 

Let's look at some tropical places now. 

Here's a bus stop in Hawaii where you can yell Surf's Up! when you see the bus coming.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/seafan/

Sk8T: I would never do that.

Root:  Me neither. It's dumb.

Biff: I'd take that surfboard off there and sell it on ebay. 

You wouldn't make enough to pay your bus fare.

Catherine Davison, The Bench Appreciation Collective, Facebook

Hood-D: I'd like to see the proletariat rise up and refuse to pay those fares. Governments should provide free transport and free food for all.

How about a banana? Here's a banana plant at the bus stop. 

http://www.lifeinbonitasprings.com/

Root: Hey, that reminds me. I'm hungry.

Funny you should say that. I just happen to have an Edible Bus stop for you. 

image courtesy of The Edible Bus Stop

It's along the 322 route in South London.

Hood-D: yes, the Edible Bus Stop Project grew, literally, out of the guerilla community gardens beside the bus stops. Now you can see edible things growing while you wait for the bus. This is real community empowerment.

Sk8T: So if we rode this bus we'd be in the tropics?

No, you'd be somewhere between Clapham Common and Crystal Palace. 

Sk8T: Is that in Norway?

It's not, but here's a bus stop bench from Lofoten in Norway.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/svetercze/

Hood-D: You seem to be geographically challenged, Seashell. Norway is not in the tropics.


Of course it's not. I was just showing . . . Never mind. 

But this is the tropics. It's a bus stop in Belize. 

http://tapirgal.blogspot.com

Hood-D:   The use of colour here is what draws the viewer in. The vertical columns of blue in the foreground provide a frame for the gold image behind it. For me, however, it is the slight angle of the truck which adds a depth of interest. 

Well, thanks again, Hood-D. It's amazing what you can see in a picture.

Biff:  I'd like to get hold of the keys to that truck and have a joy ride around Asia or Africa.

I'm sure you would, Biff, but that's never going to happen. 

Would you like to hear some harrowing tales at the bus stop?

www.etsy.com/shop/flyingdodopub

Abe Olson is the author of this digital comic and he can tell you about something weird and unimaginable happening to a normal guy while he's waiting for the bus on his way to work. All you have to do is pay Abe $1 and he'll send you the comic. 

Meanwhile, here's a striking black and white photograph from the Austin Mueller Airport which used to be in Texas. The bench is covered in weeds but you certainly get the feeling of the disused airport.

www.jenstampsphotography.com

Hood-D:  The emotion of abandonment is strong here but it runs deeper than just the disused airport. The viewer imagines an apocalyptic scene in which the industrialised world has ceased to exist and nature is taking back what rightfully belongs to it. 

I was going to say the same thing, Hood-D. You beat me to it. 

Back to inhabited places now. Here's some luggage in a bus station just waiting to go somewhere.

photo by Sheila B.

Seeing luggage on a bench like this makes me curious: who is going where? And then I'm reminded that I am not going anywhere. I am stuck here on Paradise Island. The most I'll get is a ride on an old green bus.

photo by Helen Danby

It's not so bad though. The conductress is nice to me and the benches inside the bus are well good, as Hood-D would say.

photo by Helen Danby

I can see that Hood-D has something to say here but I'm not going to let him say it. Sorry H-D. Our bus is due any minute. 

I have just seen the school bus go past.

These kids seem to be having a good time on the bus and some designers think bus stops ought to be fun places to hang out. Bruno Taylor put up some fun swinging benches in London bus shelters.

http://brunotaylor.com

And here's a bus stop bench in Seattle which suggests a cozy and comfortable armchair.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/tracy_olson/

Hood-D:  Clever use of colour here. This is a credible attempt to tart up public space without too much self-congratulating municipality.

Yeah, well. Whatever. 

And finally, here is a Japanese bus stop which is so crowded that no one can sit on the bench, if indeed there is a bench.

Biff: Don't mention Japan. That Emiko girl broke my heart.

Sorry to hear it, Biff. Here's some first aid I keep around for broken hearts.

image from http://www.sweetclipart.com

Maybe you could send Emiko a present? 

Here are some brilliant Marilyn Monroe earrings from her Bus Stop film.

www.etsy.com/shop/design by annette

All Agros: WHO IS MARIYLN MONROE?

You see. I was right all along. 

These guys know nothing about culture. 

To end the story, you might be interested to know that last night someone vandalised the Fribble bus stop and broke up the bench. Everyone suspected the Agro, of course, but they said it was Cora Boran, who has a habit of smashing things up with her walking frame. And the Agro had an alibi because they'd been with me, working on this post. 

When Police Constable Wyme the Crime went to investigate, it was obvious who did it.

Credits

The American school bus bus stop is in Athens, Georgia. It regularly appears in all kinds of list about best bus stops. It's by sculptor Christopher Fennell who kindly gave permission for me to use it. Chris's website is at www.cfennell.com You can see more of Chris's work in the Wild West at http://benchsite.blogspot.co.uk/2016/04/wildest-west-benches-of-usa.html

Kelly Riley's juniper tree school bus bench photographs are from Bend, Oregon. She is a textile artist and musician whose website is at https://www.kellyrileystudio.com . Her etsy textile art shop is at https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/CoyoteRimStudio  

Kevin McGrath's watercolour and graphite illustration of the gorilla and frog has a caption:  He had written "tall, dark, and handsome" on Match.com. I'm not sure who is more disappointed, the gorilla or the frog. Kevin's virtual zoo is on Martha's Vineyard and his shop is at www.etsy.com/shop/mvzoo

The elephant at the bus stop is a delightful watercolour painting by Veronique Latimer, who does illustrations for children from her etsy shop at www.etsy.com/shop/veroniquelatimer  Her website is at www.veroniquelatimer.com

Itay Ohaly (born 1979) is an industrial designer from Israel. He created the Elevated Benches at the Design Academy in Eindhoven. He has a wide range of unusual designs which you can see on his website at http://www.ohaly.com

The bus stop on top of a mountain peak is indeed a real bus stop. It is part of Switzerland's Post Bus service, photographed in 2009 by Swissclimb at Wikimedia Commons.org under a Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 International license. Since the German word for bench is bank, I don't think this sitzbank has anything to do with financial institutions. 

The sheep in the bus shelter were in Ireland, sheltering from the Irish rain. They appeared on the Horse Charm Facebook page.

Jan Williams is a photographer at www.thecaravangallery.com  The Caravan Gallery's exhibitions are seriously thought-provoking, distressingly perceptive and beautifully absurd. That's what it says on the website and it's absolutely true. Hood-D has pretty much nailed the source of the photographs here. The chair in the empty bus shelter is in Cornwall and it's from the Liverpool Biennial Exhibition in 2012. The Abnormal bus stop is from Bristol Street Scenes. 

The Before and After photos are from a street art project in Campo Grande in Brazil. Two Duudoor artists transformed a disused space into a Simpsons-themed bench that is colourful and welcom8ng. Photos are from Street Art Utopia and the Other Perspectives Facebook group 29 December 2024. 

Sheila B. takes beautiful photographs from her home in Cyprus and elsewhere. She has a real eye for colour and light and I am lucky to be in receipt of the gorgeous cards she makes from the photos. 

The graffitied bus stop is near Lassi in Kefalonia. It's warm so they don't need glass in the windows, fortunately. This means vandals like Biff have to find something else to do. For some lovely Greek benches see what we found on our Greek Bench Mission Impossible. 

The bus stop with a view is on the Quay in Minehead in Somerset. It has an uninterrupted view of the Bristol Channel and on a clear day you can see across to Wales. 

If you're a Doctor Who fan you might recognise the police call box which isn't all it seems. I saw this one in use as a garden shed at the allotments in Devizes, Wiltshire in September 2019.

The surfboard bus stop is in Big Island, Hawaii, where Jen R. lives. She's an RN who moved to Hawaii in 1995 and loves the ocean. She photographed what she calls The Gussied Up Bus stop in 2010.  http://www.flickr.com/photos/seafan/

Fares please! The remote-looking bus fare stage is near Pateley Bridge in North Yorkshire. It was photographed by Catherine Davison for The Bench Appreciation Collective on Facebook.

Bonita Springs is in Florida. It looks like a great place to live. Anywhere you can pick a banana while waiting for the bus must be a great place to live. Chris Griffith is a realtor at Downing Frye Realty Inc. so he'd be the one to show you around http://www.lifeinbonitasprings.com/

The Edible Bus Stop project empowers communities by transforming neglected and unused space along the Route 322 bus in South London.  People waiting at bus stops along the route will be inspired by thriving community gardens. The Edible Bus Stop project has won a number of awards including a Gold Medal at the National Gardening Show 2012.  If you look at their website you can see lots of fertile urban gardens, some with benches planned into them. The project is being formally launched in May.  www.TheEdibleBusStop.org

The bus stop spied through the round hole is in Kabelvag in Lofoten, Norway. It was photographed in 2009 by Sveter Sveter, also known as SveterCZE. I know nothing about Sveter but he has some gorgeous sets of Norway. http://www.flickr.com/photos/svetercze/   For lots of cold and snowy benches, including some Frozen ones, see http://benchsite.blogspot.co.uk/2015/02/frozen-ice-cold-benches-from-snowvenia.html

The Tapirgal from Astoria, Oregon photographed this bus stop in Belize in 2005. She raises money for tapir conservation and has a variety of blogs and daily photos which are always a delight. You can see some of her work at http://tapirgal.blogspot.com

The vandal-proof benches are at the Thielplatz stop of the Berlin U-bahn. OK, not exactly a bus stop but who cares? The photograph was taken by my much-travelled cousin Debra Conn, who, like me, is descended from the Thiel family. There are lots more benches from Germany at http://benchsite.blogspot.co.uk/2014/08/getting-high-on-alpine-benches.html

We have a whole alphabet of Dutch benches ere on Benchsite. Desiree Palmen is a Dutch artist based in Rotterdam. She has many beautiful works of people blending, dissolving and disappearing into their surroundings. Bus Stop is from 2002. You can see her amazing work at www.desireepalmen.nl

There are four pictures of the bus station benches in Yarmouth, Isle of Wight, all by Editor5807, taken in 2010 and 2011 and made available on Wiki Commons. This is a busy bus station and in some ways, it's not too bad as bus stations go. On the one hand, I take Hood-D's point that the area is lacking soul. But with guys like Biff around, what can you do with public spaces? 

Jen Stamp takes haunting photographs of abandoned places. Her black and white Waiting at the Bus Stop photo is the Austin Mueller Airport in Texas, which was abandoned in 1999. This and many other photographs are available from her website at www.jenstampsphotography.com

The French vintage bus stop print is from Julien in Tours. He has a wide range of colourful vintage French school posters from the 1950s. His shop sells posters, photos and vintage rubber stamps and is at www.etsy.com/shop/lojavintage

Abe Olson's eight page comic book, Harrowing Tales at the Bus Stop, is available from his etsy shop at www.etsy.com/shop/flyingdodopub  Having seen the cover, you might want to read the rest. Send him $1 and you can have it. 


The bus stop in Sweden was photographed by Lynne Woodward, who lives above the Arctic Circle in Kiruna. Lynne and Rolf run the 68 Degrees bed and breakfast hotel and they are excellent guides to all there is to see and do in Lapland. http://www.68degrees.se/    Lynne writes a fascinating blog about life in the arctic: elk noses, sled dogs, cold swims, warm socks, extreme picnicking and yes, Northern Lights. 
http://www.blog.68degrees.se/  

There are Bus Stop booties galore on the etsy site of Crochele. They're beautifully crocheted by Michele from Portland, who also does cool crochet clothing, accessories and home goods. www.etsy.com/shop/crochele  When the weather turns cold, we love woolly warm things here on Benchsite - especially benches! 

The bench in the desert is actually an art work by Ned Thanhouser in 2010. It was for the Burning Man festival in Black Rock, Nevada, city of Metropolis. It was photographed by Eccentric Jeff, a video editor and keen Burning Man festival goer. His Flickr photostream includes sets from many Burning Man and other festivals and eccentric events. http://www.flickr.com/photos/eccentricjeff/

Back of Beyond is the title of the bus stop picture with the two men in bowler hats. They're on a bench in the, um, back of beyond. The photo is by Violscraper, who accepted a Make It Interesting Challenge in March 2008. Starting with a starter image of something relatively boring, the challenge is to use different textures, backgrounds, and content from a range of images to create something new and delightful. For this image Violscraper used material from seven different sites. Back of Beyond was a great success and appears in 23 Flickr groups.   https://www.flickr.com/photos/25297401@N08/

'Despondency' is a character from John Bunyan's The Pilgrim's Progress, published in 1673.

Helen Danby is from the Isle of Wight (not Paradise Island). She took the photos of the vintage Island Vectis bus which used to be called the Seaview Service. She was indeed a conductress on Island Vectis back when they had well good benches. 

Bruno Taylor is a London designer who created Playful Spaces, such as the swing in the bus stop. He is interested in design in its social context and works for Design Against Crime and other public organisations. He describes himself as passionate and committed to design and innovation which tackles social challenges. http://brunotaylor.com

Tracy Olson lives in Victoria, BC. She  photographed the colourful armchair bench on Capitol Hill in Seattle. http://www.flickr.com/photos/tracy_olson/

The Marilyn Monroe Bus Stop earrings are by Annette Blazon in New Hampshire. She has a huge collection of interesting earrings and other jewelry at www.etsy.com/shop/designsbyannette   I LOVE the typewriter earrings and there are book earrings of every imaginable title. The Bus Stop earrings cost £12.10.

You can probably tell which photographs are mine. They're the dull ones from Paradise Island. Here are Cora and Dora Boran waiting for the bus, before the smashing incident.